I’ve not blogged these past two weeks. I feel a bit like a student who has not done her homework – feel guilty, but wondering if I can squeak by a few more days with no one noticing or without my grade being impacted. I’ve recently had a lot of feedback from friends on my blog, which has been super. I think the last entry “blogger’s rejection” guilted people into responding. (Ha! How’s that for manipulation?) A lot of people have praised my honesty and vulnerability – which is what I was going for – so I’m glad that’s coming through. But these last two weeks I’ve decided that I hate vulnerability and could definitely live without it. Writing (i.e. blogging) felt too personal and I have not been willing to put something out there. I think I’m starting to come out of my shell a bit now, but honestly, vulnerability sucks. I think I need to read up on why vulnerability is supposed to be good. I mean, really, is this a trait we have to live with? I guess it’s human nature and part of the bargain, but I am not a fan.
So let’s define it. To me, vulnerability means being honest and open with your feelings (a.k.a. weakness and whining). To the average dictionary, vulnerable is defined as:
a. Susceptible to physical or emotional injury. Yeah, this doesn’t sound so good.
b. Susceptible to attack. Again, not sounding like my cup of tea.
c. Open to censure or criticism; assailable. Ok, better.
d. Liable to succumb, as to persuasion or temptation. Back down the ‘thanks, I’ll pass” road
So what do the experts, i.e. ‘quote’ authoritarians of the internet, say about vulnerability? Well, apparently when not discussing how vulnerable their business, computer software or the global/US security might be, the experts seem to suggest that if you aren’t vulnerable you can’t love or be loved.
“The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility.” –Paulo Coelho
“Don’t keep your heart safe. Be vulnerable.” -John Mayer
“In the beginning, people thought that vulnerability made you weak, but it does the opposite. It shows you are strong enough to care.” –Victoria Pratt
“It is so sad how can we go through life hating people, thinking they are so different from us. It is only when we see them at their weakest point, seeing their vulnerability, that we start to realize how similar we all actually are to one another.” – Unknown
“When we were children we used to think that when we were grown up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable.” - Madeleine L’Engle
So basically, if I don’t get my act together soon and embrace my vulnerability, I’m going to be alone and immature for the remainder of my life with the rest of the cold, calculating, uncaring, emotionless bitches out there. Great. Like I wasn’t already feeling vulnerable enough! It’s like trying to outrun a collision with an oncoming train, like this stupid guy. Whatever you do, don’t fall on the tracks! That makes you vulnerable!