Are you 40 and feeling it? Welcome to my world.

I recently made some big changes in my life. First and foremost, I moved back to the US after 11 years overseas in East Africa. It was a personal decision and one that was not easy to make. You see, I’m a typical type-A personality, so to quit a well-paying job and financial security, in exchange for the unknown is a rather dramatic, knee-shaking step. But deep down, I knew I needed a new approach to my life. In the last few years, my life has been etched with stress, long hours, toxic people, little enjoyment and a lack of fun or passion for life, all culminating in rather dismal personal returns. And to think it only took me three years to act upon this! Ah..better late than never. So now, I find myself back in the US, single, unemployed, ‘temporarily’ living with my parents and trying to figure out my next move. In a way, it’s rather exciting – an endless pit of possibilities. In another sense, it’s absolutely terrifying and at times, paralyzing. Figuring out what I want to do next and achieving that goal, trying not to feel guilty over sleeping in, working to avoid long hours of TV in my bathrobe and coming to grips with a new reality can be daunting. Don’t get me wrong, I am fortunate to be able to leave a job and not immediately move into something else, and I am actually enjoying this time off with the relief of a no stress environment. In a way, I feel more like my old self than ever before. But it’s also opened up the opportunity for some serious exploration. I have discovered that my creative side is screaming to be heard and pushing me to initiate things I’ve always said I wanted to do. I’ve also felt this urge or demand to be more self-expressive. I realized how trapped I had become – saying things to please others or not disrupt the status quo or because I knew that’s what they wanted to hear. I want to have my own voice, say what I want and not fear what others think. I want the freedom to create and live the life I have always dreamed of.   Ultimately, this means digging deep and exploring what has held me back, why I don’t love myself enough and looking at ‘who am I now?’ versus ‘who do I want to become?’ And so, here I am (quaking just a bit).

As I thought about starting this blog, I began to to think about all the things I would want to say. There are so many things about being a single, 40 year old woman to discuss! And I know there must be others out there that feel the same as I do. And so begins the blog of 40 and feeling it! This is not only an opportunity to share my thoughts, but I’m also so eager to hear from other people. The magazines, the talk shows, the media, and the self-help gurus all seem to suggest the answers are there and easy to achieve. I don’t think it’s so easy, but in the long run, I think I’ll gain more from putting an honest face on what it takes and being honest with myself. My plan is to be more open and forthcoming than ever before and approach things with the attitude of NO FEAR, no matter the topic. I plan to enjoy the journey!

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6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Flo Stolts
    Feb 29, 2012 @ 17:46:56

    I think this is among the most significant info for me. And i am glad reading your article. But wanna remark on few general things, The site style is ideal, the articles is really great : D. Good job, cheers

    Reply

  2. jkenjin
    Feb 21, 2012 @ 22:57:44

    Thank you for your post! Keep up the good job and have a great aloha week!! ^_^

    Reply

  3. Heather
    Feb 21, 2012 @ 22:07:13

    You go girl! This is the beauty of being 40. You get down to the nitty gritty of what you really want in life.

    Reply

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