A Blogger’s Rejection?

I started this blog not too long ago and I really believed I was putting myself on the line. I was offering my true self up to the world for all to see or for a few thousand to see, ok a few…well my subscribers are still in the double digits…so a few tens to see. I decided to be over the top, public, open and honest and say more than I would normally share with friends, family, acquaintances and strangers. The decision to not only publish a blog under my full name, but also connect it to my Facebook and twitter account was not done lightly. I could have gone with anonymity, but where’s the fun in that? In any event, I have proclaimed  2012 my year for creative freedom, so I thought this blog should really be all or nothing. Why continue to hide what I really felt about certain things? Make those opinions known! So what if that old work colleague clues into what I am doing now with my love life? Who cares if my high school friends learn about my dark world of bad health and constant struggle to get healthy? Maybe I’ll find a baby daddy with all this baby drama? Who knows, right?

I guess you could say that I had expectations. Yes, that damn dirty word that can throw your mental balance and happy-go-lucky outlook into devastating pieces….expectations. I mean, let’s face it, if you don’t have expectations you won’t expect certain things to happen a certain way and you certainly won’t be disappointed. Much better to live without them; which I will try harder to do from this point forward. 🙂

Since I had decided to be so open with this blog and ‘advertise’ on Facebook, I thought my friends and family would line up to follow, subscribe and enjoy. Yeah, not so much. Some have, don’t get me wrong; and some friends who I haven’t spoken to in a long awhile have actually sent me personal notes commenting on how much they like the blog or how much they can relate. That definitely means a lot. Big shout out to those folks (you know who you are)! But I have a couple of close friends, my Mom and my siblings who simply have not read my blog even though they know about it. WTF? I think my Mom doesn’t want to intrude on my personal life, so believes she shouldn’t read it. When I asked my sis, she said I needed to give her a break, she was too busy. I have tried not to take offense, but over the weekend I realized I was kidding myself — that these few people who I consider  ‘close’ to me can not take a few minutes to read a few paragraphs of what I consider to be me – vomiting up my life in words – kind of ticks me off.

But that’s no good for anybody, so I had to analyze it some more. Hmm..why was this a big deal to me?  These people of which I speak already know about the deep, dark drama in my life. They live it with me, most of the time. They are privy to the ins and outs on a regular basis, and they support and love me through these endeavors. So why would they want to read or re-live the trials and tribulations on paper? Why would they need to? And so I realized, it isn’t that they don’t care, but rather that I expected them to show their love of me by reading and following my blog. To me, that action shows they care, but of course, that is only what it means to ME and it’s not the only way to show their love. I love my blog and I’m proud of what I’ve done so far with my brutal honesty. I want them to be proud and I want them to love me. Ah-ha. But, they already do. So, I guess I am late to the game in learning the importance of accepting the ways other people show me they care and to stop ‘expecting’ them to fall in line and react in the way I think is right. Well, better late than never. After all, the only alternative is to get some new friends and family and at 40+ years, that is no longer an easy task. I think I’d rather stick with who I’ve got!

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23 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Fred
    Apr 19, 2012 @ 11:12:20

    Mags! Thoroughly love the blog. Would have replied sooner but had no internet at Mount Kenya Safari Club (-:
    Can’t wait for THE Book! Keep writing!

    Reply

  2. ihavetheperfectlife
    Apr 04, 2012 @ 21:00:54

    Girlfriend, I completely understand what you’re talking about! I started my blog the day I turned 45 and made a commitment to post every single day…. and I EXPECTED everyone I knew would READ ME EVERYDAY, too! I quickly learned that blogging every day was challenging… and the moment I realized that, I also understood why my expectations were not met in terms of followers… I was completely unrealistic…

    I love your blog! Don’t stop writing!
    ~Ann

    Reply

    • maggieat40
      Apr 12, 2012 @ 18:09:34

      Thanks again Ann! Blogging every day – I know I couldn’t even try to commit to that. I’m personally trying for at least once a week. Had a bit of a ‘vulnerability’ breakdown these past two weeks as you’ll see in Silence is Golden blog, but am trying to overcome!

      Reply

  3. edna
    Apr 04, 2012 @ 08:04:45

    I feel you Margaret…i guess family loves us too much to want to see us fail or get disappointed-its like they care too much to want to see you suffer…i know that from my own experience-since i started my business and quit my day job-i have noticed my family just avoiding to talk about what i do-they don’t even call to ask about it or even come to see my new office-they are afraid its smaller and may be am suffering etc………..i don’t know why family does that-i guess its another definition of love-but the truth is-they do love you ,more than you can ever imagine-and as Katharine says-we need to also try and invest in their loves….they might get interested in ours………….but thanks for sharing-u got your mom to blog-:)

    Reply

    • maggieat40
      Apr 12, 2012 @ 18:12:00

      Hiya Edna! Good luck with the business gal. Keep up the hard work. It will pay off and the family will come around. They are probably just more fearful for you then anything else, but they will see the light of your strength!

      Agree that folks do love me – sis and mom combined. Katharine is my sister…so I got both Mom and Sis to respond! My sister now says she’s addicted. Love her lots. And yes, it’s important I also look at how I invest in their lives. Take care sister! Talk soon!

      Reply

  4. Anonymous
    Apr 03, 2012 @ 11:58:55

    Margaret,

    Roses are red
    Your blog is great
    I’m reading it now
    Because it’s never too late. 🙂

    Your friend,

    Lara :

    Reply

  5. stevesw
    Apr 03, 2012 @ 11:50:58

    I understand what you are going through; I’ve been there with family, friends, and coworkers. Thier missing out, but you’re not.

    Reply

  6. Katharine
    Apr 03, 2012 @ 11:02:45

    Sister of a blogger here. Just wanted to say thank you for your revelations. I have had a similar situation with my family and you shed a little light on it for me. I started a school for children with autism which i am very proud of and i practically have to beg and plead my family to check it out or even attend a fundraiser with free food and alcohol! I would love their support and want them to be proud of me as well. Fortunately for me, they are a big part of my other life (kids & husband) and I’m sure they do love me and are proud of me. They don’t have to love my school too. Although I do feel like my school is my first born child and it’s hard to understand family not wanting to be a part of it. I’m sure that is how you feel about your blog too. I think the bigger message here is about give and take. Your blog reminds me that we all have something we love and are proud of. We cant get lost in our own ventures (unless we want to be all alone). So I am going to read my sister’s blog and I am going to ask my husband more about his work and hopes and dreams. In return I have to be honest that I will be hoping to get back what I give. I think we have to create a joint investment in each others lives. So my advice to you fortyandfeelingit is to find out what those friends and family are doing and are proud of and invest in them too. It might turn out to be some inspiration for your blog too (which is fantastic and something to be proud of by the way)!

    Reply

    • maggieat40
      Apr 12, 2012 @ 18:20:17

      Sister of the Blogger – You rock! Love you. Trust me when I say the family adores you and we are all proud of what you are doing. You definitely have our support, but maybe we don’t show it often enough! It’s a great reminder for me as well…to show my feelings via actions and trying to give more in order to receive back what I need. But also remember, if we don’t attend every event, it doesn’t mean that we don’t love you or the school. Thanks for reading the blog and being the bestest sister ever! 🙂

      Reply

  7. Anonymous
    Apr 03, 2012 @ 10:56:40

    Hi Mags,
    I of course love you lots … I read logs and blogs occasionally but as you know i am pants at replying to emails so dont worry too much if i dont reply to blogs ………..

    Reply

    • maggieat40
      Apr 04, 2012 @ 19:39:15

      Andy, I don’t even need to see your name to know who this is.Your writing style gives you away. Love that! Thanks for the love pal. I do know our track record with replying emails – about as good as mine – ha – so no worries! Hey let me know if you have any good photos you want to showcase as a background on a blog…hint, hint. Am always looking for something fresh.

      Reply

  8. Anonymous
    Apr 03, 2012 @ 08:26:25

    Well, surprise my dear, I have been reading this amazing blog after some consideration..will there be something I don’t want to hear? ha ha..when you kids get together the “old stories” start and I have to cover my ears ! Plus..I’m not even familier with blogs..(duh) so I’ll be with you from now on but give me a heads up if there is something I should avoid ! Also I was wondering about the issue of privacy…I personally don’t want anyone to read the stuff I write. Anyhow..you have always been a wonderful writer so keep it up and blog away !! xoxo Mom

    Reply

    • maggieat40
      Apr 04, 2012 @ 19:37:06

      Love you Mom! Welcome to my blog. I admit I was surprised to see you here – but it’s great. You know most of my issues anyway, so I don’ think anything would be too far of a reach.

      Reply

  9. Dee
    Apr 03, 2012 @ 08:25:51

    Loved this one, great reminder. Thanks for spillin’ your guts…awesome. Love to ya!

    Reply

  10. Meg
    Apr 02, 2012 @ 23:03:50

    And don’t overlook the fact that some are reading your blog with interest and affection, but not commenting!

    Reply

    • maggieat40
      Apr 04, 2012 @ 19:34:11

      Thanks Meg! I certainly appreciate the silent readers 🙂 How are you? How’s the family? It’s been ages since I spoke with Todd…please pass on my hellos!

      Reply

  11. Messie Jessie
    Apr 02, 2012 @ 20:44:29

    Most of my close friends don’t read my blog and, as a matter of fact, don’t really even care about it all that much. At first I was miffed but I’ve come to accept it. I don’t write for them anyway; I write for me, and that’s all that really matters. Besides, they get all the *really* juicy details — the stuff I don’t dare publish publicly — so why should they bother reading?

    On the flip side, my mom is a regular reader and believes everything I write, even when I tell her she shouldn’t.

    Reply

    • maggieat40
      Apr 02, 2012 @ 21:10:02

      Hi MJ, Thanks for the input. Helps to know someone else out there was having the same feelings! True – it’s more about writing for yourself than anything! And I guess there are pros and cons to having family follow you closely!!

      Reply

    • ro
      Apr 05, 2012 @ 20:52:44

      I agree. I write for me and it’s a bonus when someone follows or likes my blog. In fact, I have purposely not linked my blog to FB, I really don’t want anyone I know socially reading it. But I get it Maggie, I don’t get comments from my many of my friends or family either. Keep writing for your own personal benefit! You’ll find that what you write is so much more true to yourself.

      Reply

      • maggieat40
        Apr 12, 2012 @ 18:06:40

        RO, you are right, of course. The down side of linking to FB and my social world is that sometimes I get tempted to not put it all out there and be open and honest. I start to wonder who is reading this and what will they think? But that’s part of what I’m trying to overcome. Who cares what they think? It’s more about my process and being willing to share my true opinions and thoughts. Thanks for the support!

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